And at the top of the list of Festival horrors are the dreaded Festival toilet… Most festival goers have tried not to use the festival loos for as long as possible but as much as takeaway burgers and greasy chips slow your metabolic process it is just a question of time before nature knocks on your tent door and your gut insists on a call!

The best you can hope for is the ubiquitous portaloo. They are private and lockable, and sometimes they flush too…  all of which helps to keep your environment relatively pleasant. But there are drawbacks: you are confined by four walls and hence the stench can be unforgiving.

If the weather is warm you will not want to finish the entire Sunday paper as it gets very stifling in there and being unlit they are very very dark at night (don’t think about it without a torch, really, don’t),

Generally there are two optimum times during of the course of the festival for you to use the portaloos. The first is immediately on arrival, too early you say, but every hour later than home is an hour later until next time! To establish the second time you need to keep any eye out for the cleaning team. From Saturday night through Sunday morning they will go around in two vehicles, one doing the vacuuming and the second doing the power-washing… trust me finding and following (not too close) these guys will make your festival!

Of course the other festival toilet rule is never submit yourself to a portaloo for a pee. Ladies can save hours of queueing, hovering and general discomfort with the simple purchase of a SheWee. Haven’t got one? Then Find the best price for your SheWee at Boot Mooch.

So there you are, plan right and festival toilets can be your friend… don’t plan and you’ll have some grusome tales to tell!